Unfolding the ENTANGLEMENT

I heard this quote this week on one my favorite shows on TV right now “Greenleaf” by Lady Mae, character played by the ever so lovely Lynn Whitfield: “It is so good when people remain open to the unfolding of life”. As I was watching the episode, Jada Pinkett was dropping her anticipated 12-minute confessional on the Red Table Talk. We will touch on the ENTANGLEMENT business a bit later.

Life is ever so changing and we have no control over it. We have mere control on our reaction to the events but things will happen, as they have been destined to. We are just actors in this big play.

Jada referred to herself as a fixer – even the tern she used “entanglement”, it takes a special person to detangled something. Have you ever tried to detangle a knot in your hair after braids? Whoa! It takes skills and patience to not want to just rip that strand out. I’ve done it. Bye Bye edges. How many times have you put yourself in a situation to save a friend? Excuse my French but the term “Captain Save-A-Hoe” was invented from that concept. A man who sees no lifelong commitment with a girl, she is “for the streets” but he sees that one percent of goodness no one else sees and he is stucked for years, trying to save someone who is too mentally broken or physically liberated to be ok – by society’s standards.

Some people are attracted to brokenness and actually like living there. If you are not aware of how fragmented your environment is, it is ten times harder for someone to help you put back in place all the broken pieces. Sometimes you ask someone what is the matter, and they are not able to put their feelings into words; like they feel they are drowning inches deeper by the day and unable to pinpoint a cause, and definitely unaware of the steps to take to swim out. It is a crazy feeling, not being able to tell another person your sentiments to allow them to understand and help out. It is like you are talking but no words are coming out. You want to walk but cannot figure out which leg to put out first. You want to wake up but your whole body is entangled in the bed sheets. Insane! You are in your head but want to be outside your body.

You have two types of people: the fixers – who don’t know why they feel like they have to be a savior to the most complex, mentally-weakened person and the ones who are so even-yolked, always striving for perfection they don’t ever need fixing – or they think. These two types are Jada and Will. Even the whole concept of her Red Table Talk show is to offer mental power, psychological understanding to events/people twists of faith. She offers her help through her platform; she wants to lighten the emotional load of others. She thinks of herself as a fixer, Will is “almost perfect”; whether it was attained with Jada’s help or he was made this way, Jada’s job is done – there are no flaws to fix in Will. The passion or satisfaction fixing would have brought was no longer there. There was no detangle needed with Will. So next project?! They say opposite attracts. A fixer and needing to be fixed!

No one relationship is perfect. My parents have always been the best example of marriage to me; my siblings are also great examples. Even having been raised by my parents, my siblings’ unions are different and work for them, because their mate have experienced different environments and coming together, they created something that could work for them. Jada and Will have created a marriage, relationship, partnership, entanglement that works for them. People have lost their mind over that announcement because they have this “perfect tag” applied to celebrities - you know, people who have fame, boatload of money but mere humans just like us. NO ONE IS PERFECT.

My thoughts on Will and Jada: none of our business.

But as humans, the unknown fascinates us and there is sometime a need to validate our own digressions, or thoughts. Jada had an entanglement so why can’t I? Remember when the Hall Pass movie came out, everyone wanted a pass, anything to justify their sexcapades. Let us not forget how the public gets fascinated by celebrities’ lives. We live in the Kardashians’ era, nothing else to add here.

Going back to the quote, remaining open to the unfolding of life. What does this exactly mean? First it can help us stop being surprised when people “change on us”. How many times have we been hurt, offended when our friends not really switched on us but have the opportunity to show their true colors. Loyalty is proven when there is an opportunity for it to be broken. If there is no temptation, all your friends are loyal. If there is no dessert, there is no possibility to cheat on your diet. People change, people discover new comfort zones, they explore new things, they stop engaging in old habits. They change. You changed. The only constant thing is change. Like we are changing physically getting older, why would we assume inner dispositions would be eternal?

Now imaging these changes happening within a marriage. Woo chile!!! Two people who have committed to eternity with what they have learned to love and dislike from each other, plans they have set for the future, are evolving each day by both their individual and common experiences. It is a constant check-in with their partner to make sure they have the same common intent from when they started their journey – to not knowingly hurt each other. But things happen. Committing to always come back to each other is almost a skill nowadays, a skill not too many people have mastered if we look at our divorce rate. Any argument with a spouse is like the fights we used to have with our middle school best friend, and the next day we already have a new bestie lined up. You snooze, you loose. But what happened to allowing space for your spouse to evolve, within the realm of positivity, supplement, and just for mere benefit. Change is not necessarily bad, how and why are the determining factors.

A fixer believes there can be change; they want the opportunity to mold future happenings. They love a good pet project. A straight-narrow person does not have much room to expand; they have been perfect all their lives or at least close to it – again this is relative to them, so there is nothing to be fixed. Jada and Will. Adam and Eve. Ying and Yang.

I spoke about the topic of perfect relationship before and as a reminder, IT DOES NOT EXIST. You create a perfect habitat for you, and your spouse. Whatever works. The public has to stop idolizing people’s stories they know nothing about. So Jada and Will were #relationshipgoals for decades and now we are double-backing. Like what did we know of their private life that made them love goals. They are two good-looking people, mad money and success, with pretty kids and enticing personalities. It really stops here. So we are going to find another couple to love?! Oh we still have Queen Bey and Jay right? [rolls eyes]

Worry about yours, love on yours, love on yourself, be kind to each other, accept the possibility of change but confident in knowing both of you have each other in mind in the midst of life’s unknowns. It also starts by marrying right, so choose wisely. Life is surprisingly beautiful. Remain open to its unfolding, when it entangles; because it will.

Have you or your significant other changed over the course of your relationship? How? Share with us!