The beauty in letting go

Lately, as a society, we have been quick with this “canceling” people attitude. Like one strike and you are out. Where is our compassion? Have we not made any mistake? I am sure there are times our family and friends felt we needed to be put on an extended pause. We live in a microwave era; reacting to things quickly. Not reacting expeditiously is somehow a sign of weakness and failure. But if we cancel everything, and everyone when the smallest mistake has been done, what will we have left? Punishing them so fast and loud – letting everyone know the wrong inflicted - does not in any way or form diminish the pain you feel; are we as fast in pointing out our own flaws?

There is no such thing as accepting the blunt of someone’s abuse, whether verbally or physically and everything in between. We all have our breaking point. With the same energy we want people to fix their wrongdoings, are we willing to look at our own and demand from ourselves what we are projecting onto others? It cannot, and it is not only OTHERS who are always at fault; when it is our turn, do we tap our own shoulders and put ourselves on timeout?

If you have been reading me for a while, you know my motto is “living intentionally and unapologetically”- to my new readers, welcome to the Journey. So how come I have this mindset and criticizing the Cancel Culture movement?! It is not the idea I am against, but the bandwagon we seem to be on, just like almost everything.

There is an art to letting go. Who wants to hold on to hurtful things, disappointing people, unfavorable events? Memories help us shape our future, reminding us what NOT to repeat but sometimes, simply cutting the dead branches guarantees us a fruitful tree quicker. You do not go and cut trees blindly – you identify the dead parts and remove them with precision, trying not to cut yourself in the process. Or like a really bad burn; you trim away the dead charred skin, layer by layer, hoping to find some viable tissue to prevent cutting off the patient’s whole limb. Any of my Grey’s Anatomy viewers know what I am talking about.

On the opposite end of that “cancel culture”, we have many who are quick to forgive others or find a reason for the wrong they did you! Like where they do that at? It’s 2020, we are all grown and there are enough books, movies, podcasts and life experiences to go around for people to know right from wrong. Any sadness or pain they caused you has a reason that you attach to it. They did not mean it, and they are forgiven over and over again. But you continue to be hard on yourself, keep stepping up to the plate no matter how broken and tired you are. Taking the words from my last post: “Who got you?” Are people as forgiving when you do them wrong and most importantly, do you forgive yourself?

The same “cancel culture” we have for others I want us to have for ourselves, with a positive twist – let us cancel our past mistakes, failures, doubts, weaknesses. Too many times, we carry our past into our future, and we wonder why we are in the same spot, many years in. It is not easy to turn the mirror unto ourselves and admit there are areas we would like to erase. We avoid the mirror all together; as if we do not look, it would be like it never happened.

We expect others to forgive our transgressions but we do not forgive ourselves. Why we do not extend the same kindness we have for others to ourselves? Why are we so hard on ourselves?! This year put a lot into perspective. In one year, we learned there is no such thing as tomorrow, but also the need to prepare for tomorrow. Society does not help either, making us believe there is no time to waste; you are a failure if you are not a go-getter. I am the first one to add something else to my list of accomplishments; I have a deadline for so many things. I am low-key addicted to winning! Let me tell you, there is so much peace in knowing Superwoman only exists in Marvel and the Shaderoom – I will push myself and show up on every occasion intentionally and unapologetically ready to break barriers but I will not die doing it. Pausing and taking a deep breath are sometimes needed.

It is great to have goals. I always want to learn more, add certifications under my belt, cross off a new project. But if I am not resetting myself, I can only go and get so far.

My resolution for 2021 is simply to forgive myself. Forgiving myself for past and present excuses, failures; for wanting too much too soon, for stressing out when things were not under my control, for going above and beyond for others when it was not reciprocated, for wasting time, for loving too little or too much, for craving the wrong things, for bad thoughts, for not saying the right things, for not seizing the occasion, for not recognizing the blessing in disguise.

Ciara was able to move on and find love with Russell because she forgave herself from the past relationship, past "failure" with Future. Imagined if she sat home, on IG, like the many others and kept going back and forth on how terrible the outcome was. She would have missed her soulmate, still blaming herself, her part in this, her not backing out as soon as she saw the red flags. She forgave herself, setting herself free to be open to what the universe had in store for her. So canceling your mistakes is not only being vulnerable but actually being strong. This is a relationship example but it applies to all areas in life. Don't block your blessings.

So go ahead and forgive yourself so good fortune can find you!

Sitting around and ruminating on the "what ifs and should haves" are depressing. There is beauty in letting go, in canceling the past. I want us to start with ourselves. Allow yourself to close the chapter on your past, on holding grudges with yourself. When you are at war with your own mind, you are not a peace and it shows no matter how much you try to fake or control it. Self-love starts with self-awareness and the latter is achieved by recognizing the person in the mirror deserves to know you forgave their shortcomings.

I think a lot of it is in the language, words we use. Instead of saying I need to get to the next promotion; see how far you have come, the degree you have completed to even think you deserve a promotion. We can be both overzealous in achieving our goals and kind to ourselves when we fail; we actually need both. Balance, right! There is no need to be at war with our own person.

Let us toast to a healthy 2021, not only physically but also mentally. We are stronger when we are at peace with ourselves.