Soul Ties

Last time I checked we were in 2020. And if nothing changed, side-eyeing you RACISM, I would like to believe women’s rights over their own body have. This also comes with the “new” female empowerment movement that seems to scream to anyone who would listen: “This is my body and I will use it as I please” Well go on sis! Ladies and gents, the female body is a work of art; like a new journey, it surprises at every curve and delights with every discovery. And like any piece of art, it is sought after like a prize collection. Who we crown winner(s) of said auction is the topic of discussion – not your presence in said auction in the first place; that is a topic for another day.

Picture this. You meet someone. Conversation is flowing, you are vibing. They are saying all the right things. They accentuate their lust for you with gifts – not saying love cannot come out of these situations; in this case, I am specifically referring to “situationships”; bare minimum actions of love, and especially if they know your love language. You decide to take the talk to an action phase. You set a date, go to dinner and a movie, or a Netflix and Chill with our current situation with Rona; and the sexual buildup is overflowing. Why not dip your toes in the pool to check the temperature. Sheesh, got to test-drive the car before buying it, right?

You connect, sexually. The high you got from the first night lingers. You are actually on a high; that is what it is. Your endorphins are on fire, like a drug. Then you want more. No one can blame you; feeling good is both addictive and rewarding. Sex makes you feel good.

I do not condone promiscuity; let me rephrase, everyone does as they please. Freedom of choice is liberating. But soul ties are real. Take a listen to Soul Ties by Major Nine. Ever wonder why you cannot get the person you are lying next to, having the best sex of your life out of your head. It is simply because you have share the most intimate parts of yourself with them. Red flags, if they exist, are no longer present. They are replaced by any excuse you have to see that person; because lust is a powerful drug. Who does not want to feel good? Who does not want to feel wanted and desired? That sexual craving is the most powerful drug ever. People get killed over that drug.

The key is to know whom you are connecting to! The same way you are selective about your friends, if you choose not to be abstinent – and let’s not act like it is a foreign idea, there are abstinent people in this world; it is best to know whom you are sharing with. Intimacy, whether we want it or not, makes us exchange unseen worlds, share untold experiences. Two become one, literally.

Women, you have all the rights in the world to give your sacred parts to whomever you deem of merit. I want us to not feel so broken that the need to share intimacy is NEEDED and not WANTED; which breaks you down little by little, even more as you are leaving with each sexual partner a piece of you, and receiving a piece of their madness – most of it, you were not entitled to. No one comes with a sign, even not ourselves, stating all of our wrongdoings, our sadness, hurt feelings, and spiritual unavailability. Oh, that last one is a tough one, spiritual unavailability.

That person you decided to share worlds with could have met all the points on your checklist, essentially perfect on paper. Single and ready to mingle. But if he/she is not spiritually available, they will continue to tear down all your walls, physical and mental, to get your precious prize, and the most dangerous thing, they might not even know how destructive they are, as they do not know if their spirit is broken. Do not forget we live in a world where vulnerability is a foreign concept and especially for our men, it means weakness. And no men want to look weak, especially in romantic relationships. He will be as gangsta as he is with friends, until he loses a good thing. That is when they come back with their tail between their legs, asking for forgiveness, stating they changed only to find out change was temporary and the unforeseen demons are still roaming in the background.

Are you healed? Before you engage in this forever thing, are you healed? Are you even attempting to heal? We all have an unpleasant past needing attention. If I am willing to sort through mine, I need you to go through yours. I will help you, but you have to recognize it and want to. I cannot fix you but we can heal together.

Communication is crucial here; you cannot know what they do no communicate. So open that can of worms to lessen the rotten damage they can/will leave behind. The following questions might be uncomfortable to ask but they are necessary:

1. Are you emotionally/spiritually available?

2. How can I make your load lighter?

3. In what way can I support you?

4. What do you need?

5. Are you present?

6. What is so hard about dating you?

7. Can you maintain this entry-level consistency?

8. Are we mentally compatible, after the small talks?

9. Are you patient?

10. Can you forgive?

The last question is very important. If you are not able to forgive, you are not at peace. Emotional turmoil is the reason many relationships – whether romantic or platonic fail, as hurt people hurt people. Take that thing elsewhere!

These soul ties are too powerful to be shared with just anybody. Sex is goooood; most simple truth. But let’s refuse to be confused by short moments of amazing touch and be lifted by long purposeful attempts of true intimacy.

Have you encountered these sexual relationships that seemed to have superpower over you? Share with us!