#couplegoals

One thing I cannot fathom in our society is people who love to admire others’ relationships and see it as their model. Often, we tend to write #couplegoals under a picture. Do we ever take a minute to think what from that relationship is so attractive to us. Most of the times it is a relationship we know nothing about, total strangers we have come to fantasize about. Then again, we live in a society that puts anything on a pedestal and aspire to ordinary and basics. My couple goals is my parents – 45 years of marriage, WITH love AND respect; there were trials and tribulations I am learning now as I am of age, but the bond endured the earthquakes life shook them with and they came out victorious. Only example I am following, the one I witnessed and the one I will be creating.

Pastor Michael Todd from Transformation Church, which I have been attending virtually for the past year, has written a book from his viral sermon series – Relationship Goals, called “Relationship Goals Reloaded”. There is a study guide attached, so I was thinking, why not take you along my learning Journey through and with this book/study guide?! You guys know I love learning, I love getting better and do better; and to do so, you have to keep reassessing, rediscovering yourself. I have had the basics, a great foundation, example of what a relationship, a marriage is supposed to look like from my parents. But also, I do understand – and it would be foolish for me to think otherwise, my relationship will be similar but different than theirs. There is only one Eveline – my mom, one Jacques – my dad, one Steph PP - me and one and unique Future Mr. – my husband. That person did not grow up with the love, respect, communication tools I experienced so the blend will be unalike. Can’t knock them for that. That relationship will be a tad bit easier if I am a tad bit more prepared. I am coming in WHOLE, take it or leave it. Hopefully, he is working at ironing out his “defos” also wherever he is on this earth.

We need to be more introspective; we like to aspire to things we know nothing about or for which we are not willing to do the work. We have become so lazy. We see the next girl with the “perfect body” – and yes, the concept of perfection is so relative, and we even envy her curves as we sit on our couch day and night, snacking and scrolling on social media but still would love to have that #bodygoals. We see the next relationship, they have been together for 5 years, even have matching outfits on every post, wedding was so beautiful and that is #couplegoals. They are couple goals, as you are not working on yourself to be a better partner to your mate, not reading any self-motivating books, not even having meaningful conversations with your partner and/or even yourself. You are the one stopping yourself from cultivating a better loving, respectful relationship. The grass is not always greener on the other side; you just need sometimes to trim and water yours.

There is nothing wrong with having goals - a goal by definition is the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result. Effort! EFFORT! You have to put effort into accomplishing that goal.

• I have my own body goals - I am working towards it with exercising and be mindful of worthless calories.

• I have my career goals - I am making sure to stay abreast of new clinical updates monthly.

• I have my house goals - my Pinterest board is loaded and ready to decorate once I make that purchase

• I have my spiritual goals - one hour mandatory of listening to the word weekly with other things dabbled in between

• I have my Journey goals - reading, listening to certain platforms with similar concept are key

• I have my relationship/family goals - I will attain it by better understanding myself so I can portray it to others in its most vulnerable self. I am using vulnerable not in weak way but more so in the power that comes from transparency. How will you love me unconditionally when I do not know myself fully to even love me beyond measures first.

Years in a relationship do not mean it is working, long loving captions under a post do not mean they are in love, expensive gifts do not mean they value each other. We like to live in a dream world. Nothing is perfect. Let us stop idolizing others’ relationships and put the work needed in ours to achieve our own goals. Do not get me wrong; there will be things you might admire in another couple but the work starts within us. To my life partner out there – he exists, we just have not met or have we??? I promise you I am working on myself. You will find me working in my purpose, maximizing my potential so when we start our forever journey, we will be OUR own #couplegoals.

So I will do the study guide with the book and the plan is to discuss and post it for you guys. Buttttttt, if this gets too personal, I might have to think twice about it.

I will leave you with this quote from Pastor Michael Todd: “The area of your life where you are the most ignorant, Satan – the first/the Prince of Ignorance/Darkness has the most rulership over you”.

What are some good relationships books have you read? Share with us.